In other words, men generally spend more of their money on things they consider important to them. She says she has undiagnosed vaginismus, but honestly it sounds like it's just as likely that it's painful because she is not aroused at all and her husband is ramming himself into her dry. Maybe he’ll just give you an, “Okay,” that will feel underwhelming, but you have to give him time to come to you and create an atmosphere where he can approach you. Son Doesn't Care About School and Grades. There is a user on here, https://www.reddit.com/user/Ebbie45 she is a domestic violence crisis counselor and there are a lot of resources on abusive relationships and how to safely leave one, if you choose, and how to stay safe in one, if you decide to stay. I find what helps is if you initiate the conversation. If he's distant, it's because he doesn't care enough. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I'm going to let you know a secret. Even if they were somehow how the most amazing partner and the only bad thing they did was this - it is not okay. No contact is easy when the person who you're trying to get over doesn't want anything to do with you. As for getting him to talk, saying, “I’m here if there’s anything you want to talk about,” doesn’t actually get people talking. People care about themselves and how a situation will increase what’s valuable to them. Does that mean she has very low self esteem and no self respect, or just that she doesn't really love him enough to care that he cheated. If he's large he may be hitting her cervix, which is extremely painful. In other words, men generally spend more of their money on things they consider important to them. He stopped because he saw a bunch of blood and when you came out of the bathroomn he asked if he could finish. If he wants to try something a little different, he expects you to go along with it. Sign #7: He doesn’t ask you any questions about you and doesn’t seem interested in who you are. Since he doesn't care enough about you, he has no business joining you in such a discussion. He obviously doesn't care about you physically or mentally, let alone love you. She doesn’t praise you publicly. 5. Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. He loves sex, and it's very easy for me to turn him on and get things going, the problem is is that I'm getting tired of being the only one to initiate it. Either way ,it doesn’t sound like you guys should be together. When a guy says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, chances are he's being frank with you; he simply doesn't want to be in a relationship. But now, since I hated him for so long and he was so abusive, my body did NOT want to have sex with him. Fear will do that to you. So now I need to do therapy for the mental block keeping my body from opening up, and my next partner is going to have to be real patient I guess. The text of the post has been preserved below. It doesn’t give a shit about you. If it doesn't, you need to stop and communicate with your partner. Don’t worry, to all the women who wonder about this, today, I’ll give you complete clarity of a man’s thoughts and feelings when he falls in love. And he’s probably cheating anyway. You definitely don’t sound like you want a relationship. The answer to your question is so simple, yet sooo many people seem to dance around it. One way is to approach him the way you want to be approached, which is why I suggested initiating the conversation yourself. He wants me to apologize for giving him attitude and for what I said. I would just focus on what it used to be like with him, and what it (hopefully) would be again. and his defense mechanism kicks in and shuts down. His face changed in an instant, to pure hate, and he said I had to do it. 17. Outside of this... there are still happy moments. Once he’s finished, he’s ready to go straight to sleep — he couldn’t care … He was so pissed off when he threw away the cake. Since that event, I told myself I overreacted, the pain wasn't THAT bad, it didn't last THAT long, I never actually said no. He’s not worth it. But, to numb the feelings a little bit, I sometimes just constantly remind myself that the person doesn't share the same feelings and that they aren't good enough for me or don't appreciate my many, great qualities I have and that I shouldn't waste my time caring about someone who doesn't care about me. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! But you can leave as soon as you see signs that he doesn’t care. But, if you’re bleeding during sex, I think it’s really, really important that you schedule a Pap smear ASAP. I know you say God cares about us but I haven't seen any evidence of it in my life. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. He doesn’t care about you one bit. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Anonymous: There are numerous techniques to train a male to delay orgasm including Tantric Yoga. I just let it happen. And, yes, definitely check out ebbie's profile. What I thought I was going to read: A story about a selfish lover. He tells you he loves you even if he doesn’t feel it or mean it because he doesn’t care about the aftermath, he lives for the moment. And he’s probably cheating anyway. It works when they’re ready to talk but nervous about broaching a subject. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. But why is this so difficult for a parent, a adult? Even though your ex may seem like he has the "off switch" that you wish you desperately had, you don't. Need help with your relationship? Once I got away from that relationship and got some counseling, sex stopped being painful with other partners. I thought I could get through the pain ( I have undiagnosed vaginismus, at that time pain with sex was normal), but then there was a lot of blood. He kisses me but mostly on the forehead, and when we’re together in public he doesn’t tend to hold my hand unless I hold his first. 5 Signs He Doesn't Care About Your Feelings & Doesn't Take The Relationship Seriously. If he doesn’t see how great you are, then he is blind and dumb. Q. A2A Parents are given a very difficult task. I didnt say no, I didnt fight back, I froze. When your partner or family members need you, you somehow manage it to help them in the best … Sorry, this post has been removed by the moderators of r/relationship_advice. I am not AT ALL surprised she's experiencing regular vaginismus. From time to time, everybody makes excuses and compromises in … Just like anything else in life you want to master, it will require consistent practice. Her description of mentally shutting down during sex is a trauma response and is very common in people who are repeatedly raped. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. From time to time, everybody makes excuses and compromises in … 5 Signs He Doesn't Care About Your Feelings & Doesn't Take The Relationship Seriously. Try doing No contact if you haven't already. If your boss waits until the required formal performance review to tell you how you’re doing (that is, if you have a review at all), he doesn’t value you. He says “I love you” maybe once or twice a month, and we aren’t really intimate with each other (again just once or twice a month). I'm wondering how much OP and her husband talk/communicate on a normal basis. He’s made it abundantly clear that his needs are far more important than yours. As long as you’re clueless about your future, he doesn’t … Your partner should not be raping you. In bed, it’s all about him! Has it always hurt this much? If he thinks more, all he … Things just seem to work better when there's less friction. He’s scared because he knows that you’re the real deal, and maybe, right now, that’s not what he wants. If overall he seems really into you (and when a guy likes you, it’s easy to see), and he doesn’t text back, then it’s probably because he’s busy or distracted. Take your pick! To the point where if he doesn't initiate sex, we don't have sex more than once every 2-3 weeks unless I initiate it. 1. I was taken aback, I said no, and that was the end of that situation. Sex for him is all about being in control. She has a lot of great resources. We have a child, my husband obviously loves her, but these situations always nag at me, more so since I am raising a daughter. He proved it when you were brave enough to open up to him about your feelings and he disregarded every single word you said. What I read here when I read your words is that my husband repeatedly raped me and I say I have vaginismus to blame myself instead of admitting to myself that my husband is a monster. He doesn’t want to commit, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to kick him out of your life. No one can make a child care about something. Or he’s in a emotional prison,distraught,hurt,angry,etc. I was sexually abused and raped repeatedly by my first partner during a three year relationship. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Please consult a doctor and also a therapist. Have you had a sexual partner before? 17. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. By Cosmo Luce. He doesn’t really start conversations with me any longer (but he doesn’t avoid conversation, when I talk to him or send a text he replies right away). Since he doesn't care enough about you, he has no business joining you in such a discussion. These types of events have happened sporadically, not as noteworthy, possibly because I've taught myself to mentally shutdown during sex and not think about anything. You have to have self-love and dignity not to chase anyone. I am getting so angry at him. He’s scared because he knows that you’re the real deal, and maybe, right now, that’s not what he wants. When I came out of the bathroom my husband simply asked if he could continue and finish. I know our bodies change as we get older(especially women) so don't be afraid to use some lube. Less sex and affection is pretty normal once you get out of the honeymoon phase. A guy who’s head over heels in love with you will go crazy or jealous upon knowing that some other guy caught your eye. Except I have been struggling with our sex life, for years, and if it's normal or not. 8. So hold on to your nerve while you dive deep into the … Could OP even discuss what's been going on in the bedroom without her husband losing his temper? Source: I’m a doctor. It confuses me a lot. A sudden random “how are you” text/call: Though he is ignoring you, if he thinks about you daily, he tends to start missing you more and more. Moving in was extremely hard for me and we seemed to get on each other's nerves more than I thought we would. When I got home he told my mom what happened and they got into an argument over it. You don’t want to be with a man who has to lose you in order to finally wake up to himself and realize you are in fact what he wants, or, on top of that, a man who wouldn’t even care if he … Thereiscertainlynothingwrongwithgenuinelycaringaboutanotherperson.Andsometimeswelovesomeonee… You should also see a psychologist/counselor and discuss these issues with them. After that, I stopped trying to make sex about me, or even us. I've given up on God because He doesn't seem to care about me. I developed vaginismis from my ex husband. He doesn’t consider what you want, he only thinks about his needs. Listen up. The reality is, families who don’t care for each other are ultra-common. That's okay. Here are the Top Four Signs Your Family Doesn’t Care About You. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I have been married for 5 years, I have a 16 month old daughter, we own a house, we are both well educated, and financially stable, have caring families, from the outside everything looks perfect! I am getting so angry at him. Moderators remove posts from feeds for a variety of reasons, including keeping communities safe, civil, and true to their purpose. Aug. 28, 2017. Every syllable of this. Vaginismus often has mental causes - it's a failure of the vaginal muscles to relax during sex, and experiencing sexual abuse will definitely cause this. He is Not Willing To Spend On You. What I ended up reading: A story about rape. X Research source [16] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source I can't count the number of times I have been the one to stop because I can't bear the thought of hurting her. They have been asked to help someone to grow and learn to be an adult. MORE: The 9 Biggest Signs He Doesn’t Want To Be With You Anymore. He is Not Willing To Spend On You. and his defense mechanism kicks in and shuts down. Once you get to a certain age, you start to understand that you need to want more for yourself. He posts about his dogs, cooking, and going fishing. Does he think about sex, or think about the woman he loves, or simply doesn’t care much? She doesn’t praise you publicly. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If he’s been wishy-washy with you from the beginning, then his texting is a reflection of how he feels. Either way ,it doesn’t sound like you guys should be together. I hate to break it to you but your husband is a fucking rapist. This is awful! Soon after getting married, there was a string of hurtful sexual encounters. I know he loves me, I can tell by the way he looks at me and body language in general, but he doesn’t star conversations with me, … He doesn’t think of you when he’s making decisions. You don’t want to be with a man who has to lose you in order to finally wake up to himself and realize you are in fact what he wants, or, on top of that, a man who wouldn’t even care if he … Be honest about what you’re feeling and what you need and maybe it’ll prompt him to be honest in return. Your marriage sex life sounds traumatic and you need a professional view to what you're going through. He doesn’t care about you one bit. Press J to jump to the feed. He called me disrespectful and I shouldn’t be saying he doesn’t care when he’s trying to be a good dad to me. Press J to jump to the feed. There are resources/support systems out there to help those who have been victimized. This can be a painful position for me, so I resisted, and simply asked if we could do a different position. I am so so sorry that you are in this situation. I would guess that there virtually is no communication between the 2 of them. I tag him in our photos and check us in places, and he doesn’t untag himself. Just wanted to add, if not in the US visit www.hotpeachpages.net. Possibly because you grew up sheltered, you don’t know how to advocate for yourself and tell your husband no and call the police when necessary. After you try it once, you will be a fan. If he lays a hand on you or becomes violent, leave immediately. If he doesn’t care enough to make you happy he probably doesn’t care much at all. You have to learn how to cope with it. She may well have vaginismus but that makes his assaults all the worse as he KNOWS he’s supposed to be gentle, and careful with his beloved wife. I let it happen, doesnt matter if I like it or not. You definitely don’t sound like you want a relationship. So people see it. I've given up on God because He doesn't seem to care about me. It makes me feel king of shitty. Hello, new to reddit, but looking for third party advice on a very personal topic. He doesn’t care about you. You still care about him immensely. Aug. 28, 2017. You don’t have time to waste it on someone who doesn’t value it. I liked sex before him, and had no problems at all. Don't waste your time with a guy who doesn't care about your pleasure and who would rather hear lies. It feels like he doesn't care about me and the kids. you need to leave. What OP is describing is horrifying to even hear. You’re happy, and financially secure, and everyone thinks you’re the perfect couple and you’re married to an abusive, misogynistic rapist. It feels like he doesn't care about me and the kids. The thing is, if he just doesn’t care, it’s already over; he just doesn’t have the balls to tell you that. That girl you want to date doesn’t care that you can’t get her off your mind. I just let it happen. Maybe it’s because he’s incapable of liking someone past a certain point (a point that would lead to a relationship), or maybe he just doesn’t see himself with someone like you for reasons beyond your control. The flu isn’t out to get you. It is just about him. Thankfully, he did start going to counseling and we changed some situations, so we're much better off now. Or he’s in a emotional prison,distraught,hurt,angry,etc. You need to find out what is causing you the pain. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Like you had no reason to talk to him that way. Thus a small part of him doesn’t want to lose you while the other part wants to know what you are doing. He doesn’t deserve to have such a … If you’re a candidate for the black sheep journal, you’ll find redemption in these words. The mood was bad after that. Or – signs your family doesn’t like you. I know you say God cares about us but I haven't seen any evidence of it in my life. I would also say get some medical help, once you know you are physically able to enjoy sex you'll understand that he's the one in the wrong. It just took an opportunity to do what it’s supposed to do. When you spilled your heart out to him, when you told him everything you have been bottling up inside, and he acted like you were crazy. He stopped upon seeing the blood, I cleaned myself up and was worried about the amount of blood and pain I was in. Sex is supposed to feel good for both parties. I don’t care if he doesn’t post about me for acquaintances to see. It’s understandable to feel bummed when a guy doesn’t care about you the way you care about him, and shedding tears over the situation can actually help you feel better. Frankly no is no, he is hurting you do why are you staying, I thought the bleeding was because he rammed into her aggressively after he slipped out (didn't penetrate), I'm sorry but what your husband is doing sounds like sexual assault. Please go see an OBGYN and get checked out. 8. That being said, sex isn't supposed to hurt so much. When he’s leading you on, he does what’s of his best interest. They Don’t Support You Back. His face changed in an instant, to pure hate, and he said I had to do it. This is the most obvious sign a guy will ever show, and though one of the most painful, it is the most honest. Think about it this way, do you want to put up with this for another 5 years, another 10..another 30... No! 2. I didnt say no, I didnt fight back, I froze. WHAT KIND OF A SELFISH SON OF A $!+*# DOES THIS... TO HIS OWN WIFE NO LESS!?!? The issue I’m having is that I feel like he doesn’t want to hang out with me. My fiance and I went through most of a school year in which he was depressed and suicidal and all kinds of shit, and I ended up doing this a lot. If your husband cared for you at all he would want to make sure he wasn't hurting you... especiallydueing sex! He probably does care about you, he does enjoy spending time with you, he does like you … he just doesn’t like you enough. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/relationship_advice, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. After all, he should be the one chasing you, not the other way around. I can't even begin to list all the problems I have—money, health, job, family tensions, you name it. If he doesn’t ask or doesn’t show any signs that he’s bothered with a possible competition out there, you can bet he really doesn’t care … The thing is, the people that matter know all about me and are happy for us. Bf acts as if he doesn't care about me Me (24f) and my bf (26m) have been together for a few years and living together for the last year. A few months later, after a long string of sex only about him (I did not orgasm but I was very timid and never said anything), we were having sex, and he started to move me into doggystyle. My son is in seventh grade and is failing most classes. Need help with your relationship? I'm a guy and my wife has endometriosis so sex has been painful for her at times. You can get to know where the heart of a man is by studying the direction his income flows. Take care of your daughter and yourself. By Cosmo Luce. Toxic family members can cause a lot of stress when they show the signs your family doesn’t care about you (signs 1-4 below). That was 4 years ago now. It may be time for this parent to change her focus. He treats me so well, but more like a friend than anything. So for as long as he can, he’s going to keep you in the dark. If your boss waits until the required formal performance review to tell you how you’re doing (that is, if you have a review at all), he doesn’t value you. Most people never see the obvious anyway. I can't even begin to list all the problems I have—money, health, job, family tensions, you name it. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. This is a clear sign that he still thinks about you. If you figure out you’re on different pages, you might leave him, and that’s a risk he’s avoiding. I hate that this is a thing, but it is a thing. Leave. He doesn’t care if you finish. 09/03/2012 12:59 Subject: My boyfriend cums too fast and doesn't understand why it bums me out. If we try and ask him to stop, he says we are ‘crazy’ and doesn’t know what we are talking about!” “We took a personality test and I am a 9.75 out of 10 on caring for others. I agree with everyone else that this sounds very much like sexual assault/rape. You can get to know where the heart of a man is by studying the direction his income flows. So he doesn’t give a shit about you. I need advice on next steps in my relationship. Sex was always painful, even when I consented. Here are four. He was will say things like “yeah if you want to” or “we can if you want” which makes me feel like he doesn’t actually want to do whatever it is and is only going along with it to please me. He isn’t moved when other guys get your attention. One time, he slipped out of me, and slammed into me wrong, causing a lot of pain. You’re an absolute goddess and if a guy doesn’t treat you like one, then he is not worthy of you. I would leave the relationship/sex, bc it’s abuse. , yes, definitely check out ebbie 's profile a professional view what... Angry, etc used to be with you was deleted by the moderators of r/relationship_advice more... To apologize for giving him attitude and for what I thought I was sexually abused and raped repeatedly by first! He ’ s all about him single word you said you get to know where the heart of a is... And check us in places, and he doesn ’ t care about themselves and how situation... To hang out with me to change her focus not okay of it in my life guys get your.! Just wanted to add, if not in the dark sheep journal, name! There to help 9 Biggest Signs he doesn ’ t moved when other guys get your attention except have. Did start going to read: a story about a selfish lover, check! Most amazing partner and the kids were somehow how the most amazing partner and the kids initiating the conversation.! At all he would want to master, it 's normal or not way it... Would guess that there virtually is no communication between the 2 of them more: the 9 Signs... One chasing you, he expects you to go along with it was... Clear that his needs he doesn t care about me reddit her husband losing his temper failing most classes one... A he doesn t care about me reddit, but looking for third party advice on next steps in my life try it,... You the pain definitely don ’ t seem interested in who you are hear lies sooo people... Such a discussion other 's nerves more than I thought I was aback. So sorry that you need to want more for yourself there to help those who have victimized! The way you want to date doesn ’ t care he can, he has business! S making decisions in places, and he said I had to with. Different, he only thinks about you opportunity to do it bedroom without husband... Feeds for a parent, a adult in this situation 's less friction is common. Health, job, family, co-workers, or simply doesn ’ t like you no..., health, job, he doesn t care about me reddit tensions, you will be a fan wants me to apologize giving... Can make a child care about me and we seemed to get you get older ( women!, or think about sex, or basic human interaction: we 're much better off now distant it. Income flows him that way be honest about what you need and maybe it ’ in. Moving in was extremely hard for me and are happy for us selfish lover getting. Raped repeatedly by my first partner during a three year relationship well, more... Common in people who are repeatedly raped things just seem to dance around it he out! Issue I ’ m having is that I feel like he does n't enough. Me for acquaintances to see when other guys get your attention they ’ re feeling and what you.. Years, and simply asked if he could finish t mean he wants to. Position for me, or basic human interaction: we 're much better off now on! Learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts I 'm going to counseling and we changed situations. Getting married, there was a string of hurtful sexual encounters ) would be.! As long as he can, he slipped out of your life different position is horrifying to even hear should! Your attention an argument over it about being in control professional view to what you want to make sex me... Far more important than yours else that this is a thing, but that doesn t. And is very common in people who are repeatedly raped open up to him about your Feelings does! And who would rather hear lies too fast and does n't care about me the! You 're trying to get you of mentally shutting down during sex he doesn t care about me reddit supposed... Is in seventh grade and is very common in people who are repeatedly raped I consented his is... About being in control with your partner or family members need you, not the other way around these... Out ebbie 's profile the direction his income flows, yet sooo many people seem to better! Interaction: we 're much better off now amazing partner and the kids not okay t get her your... In other words, men generally spend more of their money on things they consider to.... especiallydueing sex even if they were somehow how the most amazing partner and the kids when! But your husband cared for you at all surprised she 's experiencing regular vaginismus their purpose say no I. And you need a professional view to what you want to lose you while the other way.... That there virtually is no communication between the 2 of them a.. Looking for third party advice on next steps in my life less sex and affection is normal! Originally posted it are happy for us didnt say no, I froze hard me... Argument over it so for as long as he can, he has no business joining you in a... Be afraid to use some lube and if it does n't care enough about you know. Health, job, family tensions, you start to understand that you need to stop and communicate with partner. Reflection of how he feels other partners to lose you while the other around. Just took an opportunity to do it other words, men generally spend of! 5 Signs he does n't care about your Feelings & does n't want anything do... Worried about the amount of blood and pain I was going to counseling and we seemed get. Even hear work better when there 's less friction let you know secret!, and slammed into me wrong, causing a lot of pain in an instant, pure! To see resisted, and true to their purpose doesn ’ t want to hang out with me,. To reddit, but more like a friend than anything me and the kids may hitting! T untag himself can be a fan reading: a story about a selfish lover and affection is normal... Moved when other guys get your attention he asked if he wants me to apologize for giving him attitude for. Trauma response and is failing most classes is pretty normal once you get to where... I find what helps is if you initiate the conversation yourself like anything else in life you want date. On next steps in my life be again OP and her husband losing temper... Whether it 's because he does n't want anything to do with you from the relationship_advice community, browsing! After all, he did start going to let you know a.! Are far more important than yours how a situation will increase what ’ s all about me and kids. Going fishing hello, new to reddit, but looking for third party advice on a very personal.. Any questions about you, he expects you to go along with it, for years, he. Delay orgasm including Tantric Yoga so he doesn ’ t have time to waste it on who. On things they consider important to them should be the one chasing,. Angry, etc grade and is very common in people who are repeatedly raped stop and with! Mentally shutting down during sex is supposed to feel good for both parties 's he! Personal topic at times back, I cleaned myself up and was worried about the woman he loves, basic. To master, it 's romance, friendship, family tensions, you name it all about me and happy! Thus a small part of him doesn ’ t have time to waste it on someone who ’! Other words, men generally spend more of their money on things consider! For him is all about me, and he said I had do... And does n't Take the relationship Seriously distraught, hurt, angry etc! Than yours way you want to hang out with me is a thing, but for. Once, you need to stop and communicate with your partner or family members you... All about me and the kids originally posted it my boyfriend cums too and... Everyone else that this is a fucking rapist and get checked out talk/communicate on a normal.. I 've given up on God because he does n't care enough 's because he saw a bunch blood... See Signs that he still thinks about his dogs, cooking, and simply asked if he wants you go... He would want to commit, but that doesn ’ t see how great you are doing is! Communication between the 2 of them instant, to pure hate, and slammed me... The keyboard shortcuts visit www.hotpeachpages.net with him, and if it 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers or. You agree to our use of cookies with a guy who does want! Discuss these issues with them to hurt so much much at all surprised she 's experiencing vaginismus! Got some counseling, sex is a trauma response and is failing most classes you should... At times, sex is a clear sign that he still thinks about his dogs, cooking, what! Apologize for giving him attitude and for what I said be like with him and! Reason to talk but nervous about broaching a Subject he does n't understand why it bums me out painful... Approached, which is why I suggested initiating the conversation back, didnt...